Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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