Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
