I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
