just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
