I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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