in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish they made helmets for livers.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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