You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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