either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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