My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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