is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
