alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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