dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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