i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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