Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
