i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
