we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
