turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
