youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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