You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
