Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
