I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Floor bacon is actually really good
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
