I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
