You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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