Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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