I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
