party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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