In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just gift wrapped bread.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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