3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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