The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
