After last night, I could never be a politician.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Your dad touched me again.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
