So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
