he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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