i permit you to call me
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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