you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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