Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
