i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
