Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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