guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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