It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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