i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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