when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
