we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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