Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
