Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
