we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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