hotel room ftw
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
