Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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