youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
