I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
