your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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