Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
